The Most Important Relationship You'll Have

My relationship with my body changed when I was seventeen years old. After years of trying to perfect the sport of cheerleading, I was injured. There were several months when walking was impossible. My freshmen year at university, I would have to keep my dorm room cracked open, because my nerves were being damaged by an inflamed lower disc so my hands and feet were constantly swollen. It was a nightmare. I remember, it was one of the lowest points of my life. I was constantly in bed, sad and angry. Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do that was so terribly awful? Pretty quickly I became upset with myself because I had never cherished my body until it felt like it was gone.

The first time I ever looked in the mirror and called myself fat was when I was twelve years old, in seventh grade, which absolutely breaks my heart because I am teaching a classroom full of little mes every day. I remember feeling less like a girl because my period hadn’t come at age thirteen by the time all of my friends’ had and my vain prayers at night would be for God to take my zits away or to make my fingers skinner. From an early age I was destroying my body, and my relationship with it.

It wasn’t until I started taking up yoga and running that I started to view my body differently.

I will say it time and time again, yoga saved me. And to this day it continues to save me. I remember my eighth grade gym teacher introduced me to yoga. I would play the DVD in my room and always watch the instructor first. I was impressed and in awe at how her body could move, bend and hold still. As I began the practice, I became more appreciative at my body’s capabilities. The same story was true for my running. The further I would run in a day, the more impressed and loving I became with my body. Although I was getting the physical capabilities highlighted and nourished, I failed to continue to nourish myself. After my back injury, nutrition became something I was almost obsessed with. I didn’t want my body to fail me again and I had thought that the reason why it had was because of the lack of nutrients; it would seem impossible for my body to rebuild without them. Even more importantly after my back injury I started to listen to my body.

The month of September was seamed together with five trips to the emergency room. I am not one to usually go to the doctor, however the pain, the symptoms and the guidance from the gut was telling me otherwise. I would be toppled over in pain on more than one occasion. Tears ran down my face as I screamed, “I don’t know who I am anymore! I don’t even know why I am crying,” as I tried to navigate healing which required more bed rest than what I am willing to give, on top of feeling like a foreigner to my body. For the entire month of September it didn’t feel like it was my body. Yet again, I felt like I had failed my body and my body had failed me.

Our bodies are these amazing things, working to keep us alive, alert, happy and healthy. When we take the silence into consideration and start listening to our bodies, this is when we are able to find harmony and a tandem for a healthy life.

When your body is in pain, I mean physical agony that it hurt so bad that the only logical thing to do is want to go into coma that is your body telling you that something is wrong. That physiologically something is not correct. And however it looks like for you, you should seek out answers.

When you’re mentally and emotionally feel less like yourself, consider some chemicals being off balanced. When I start to feel more impatient, sad and upset, I usually take a step back and try to examine what have I been putting into my body and in what ways am I releasing stress. Usually I find the answer is that I haven’t been eating as well as I try to and my exercise has been lacking.

When your energy is lower and you are feeling more lackluster about life it is time to check in with yourself and the habits you have taken on for the past week or two.

When you can’t sleep and you constantly are going for the coffee, for me it means one of two things: I am anxious or I am ready. Our bodies are masters at generating an enormous amount of energy. Maybe it is a cue to begin that new project or to create that huge change. Not all messages from the body are bad! If it isn’t trying to save you, it is trying to better you.

There is the ongoing debate on whether we should call our body is a forest or temple. All arguments are compelling and I believe that the side you are going to take is going to be a reflection of your relationship with your body. I also believe that if you don’t want to categorize your body into one thing or another, which is completely okay too! For me this is what I believe my body is:

I believe that my body is a fortress, which then allows it to be a castle, a temple, something that is magnificently strong in the middle of the forest. I believe that my body is going to crack, crumble and can easily burn from the inside out and it will do so when necessary. The things that will need to remain the same will and those things that need to change, will rebuild and be stronger than ever. I believe that nutrients and exercise are going to be the two things that guard my body, mind and soul. I believe that my body is a house for my mind and soul, therefore I should cherish it and take care of it at all costs. I believe that my body will grow back time and time again. It will change. It will remain the same. It has this compass inside that is to navigate the pain and the chemicals in order to direct me in how to best live a life in the one body that I have been given.

I believe that this body, this spirit, this mind, soul and heart are the strongest, most incredible things that I have and will ever have in this lifetime. Too often when something devastating happens to my body, like not being able to walk, or this past month of September, I quickly become frustrated and consumed with the idea that my body failed me and I failed it. That is not true. My body is restoring and growing into what it needs to be.

Take this Sunday and do something for your body to nourish it and heal it.